Me At A Glance

It's 11:15PM, and I'm sitting before the computer with a few dozen ideas jumping through my head, as well as a rather stiff Bacardi-and-Cherry Coke at my side. I've got tomorrow off, which means that I can actually quite possibly do something that I haven't done in quite some time. Oh sure, there's -that-, but in this case I'm talking about updating Club Ninja. And judging by the number of typos I've had to correct so far, this is going to be a very interesting update. Bring it, bitches.

Current Mood: You just read what's up there, you know how I'm feeling! =D

But all in all, no complaints on this end. Yeah, I've been busy, but I'd rather be busy than sitting around doing a bunch of nothing all day long. That's just boring, y'know? Anywho, I've been severely neglectful of Club Ninja as a result of all of this, but there is an upside. Because it's been a while, I've got a lot of crap to talk about. Enjoy!

Also, in case any of you missed the announcement last time, the Club Ninja Shop is now open. I'll be adding a few more designs in the near future, plus ordering a few things myself. Hey, we've got a couple of conventions coming up, I need to be prepared!

And remember...

Personal Soundtrack: Number One Crush by Garbage, Judgment Day by Method Man, The Boogie Man Song by Mos Def, and Sometimes by Mint Condition. Yeah, not a lot of rhyme or reason this time, just a good bit of variety.

Your Fortune: Listen attentively. You will come out ahead in the coming week... in bed. I honestly don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

The Eyes Have It: Humorous Tale of Woe (TM) from work...

A young lady comes by the store in order to buy a shirt. This isn't all that odd of an occurrence. She strikes me as being a few fries short of a Happy-Meal. That isn't all that odd, either. What struck me though was that this woman had the BIGGEST, CRAZIEST FREAKING EYES I have ever seen on a creature, man or beast. I swear, this woman could look into your soul and tell you things that your grandmother did. Children flee from her presence. The infamous runaway bride would probably look at her and say "Damn, bitch, you've got some crazy-assed eyes." Me, being dubbed Mr. Customer Service at work, proceed into the back to look for said shirt, while managing to keep a straight face, and hoping that at least ONE of my two coworkers noticed.

I am answered by Antoinette's immensely wide-eyed and smiling continence. Good, at least someone picked it up.

I go sorting through a few of the shirts, and bring her out the ones we have in the sizes she requested. I'm explaining to her the differences in them, and managing to keep from being too terribly freaked out by her soul-gazing peepers. "Well, " she begins after my explanation. "I've already got one like this, so I guess I wouldn't need a new one, hmm?"

Upon uttering 'hmm', the BIGGEST, CRAZIEST FREAKING EYES in existence got even BIGGER. Mr. Customer Service is suddenly defeated as a feel myself beginning to crack a smile. I IMMEDIATELY look back down to the shirt on the counter and agree with her, acting like I'm taking a second look at it to make certain, all while smiling myself silly. Eventually the BIGGEST, CRAZIEST FREAKING EYES in existence (and the body they were attached to) go on about their merry way, continuing to frighten children and force out confessions from their soul-gazing powers.

Beware the wide-eyed beast, people. Beware.

Just When I Thought I've Seen It All... : Just when I thought I've seen it all, I see an Indian dude with cornrows. I love it when cultures collide.

Sneed - Porn Star: Don't ask how the conversation started, but a few weeks ago me, and a few friends were joking about what it would be like if Snead went into porn.

Hey, I told you not to ask.

Anywho, as the four of us were coming back from Oxford Comics, fate would have it that Caine would start having some car problems. We pull into a local restaurant so that we can try and see what's going on with the engine. I happen to look up at the sign up front, smirk, and thank the good Lord that I had my camera on me that day. It seemed that our illustrious friend had already begun his porn career...

"The waitresses! They've all been Sneeded!"

I point this out to Snead, who pauses for a moment to take it all in, then suddenly busts out laughing.

Lesson Learned: Always carry a camera with you!

Random Conversation:

Troy: "Dude, you ate my Odwalla bar, and didn't bring me back an eggroll?!"

Mani: "Well if it's any consolation, your bar tasted like CRAP!"

-- Honestly, I don't know how you all-natural, bark-chewing semi-grazing health-nut bastards can eat those damned Odwalla bars, as I equated my experience to chewing Georgia clay dipped in cedar chips. A few days ago, our manager left one the offending bars in the store, and being the only one there to close that day (and hence unable to leave the store for real food), I figured that I'd give it a shot, and snag him another one later.

Holy crap. I chewed on that sucker for, like, a damned hour. The above conversation came about from earlier today, as he was jokingly complaining that I didn't bring him back anything after getting some Chinese for lunch. At the very least, though, that sucker was healthy. If nothing else, I probably got more protein that day than the fluffer on a porn set.

Darkest Night - Progress Report: Must turn down the difficulty, as I am getting my ass KICKED across my own module. That's just embarrassing. The lesson learned from this is that a level five character should not be picking a fight with any sort of Construct.

But we already knew that, right? =)

WTF? : Holy crap, people will make a sport out of anything.

A few weeks ago, we were channel surfing out of boredom, and we came across something that almost had me foaming at the mouth.

There was a televised Rock, Paper Scissors competition on TV.

Now, that in itself was bad enough, hence, me nearly foaming at the mouth. But what killed me the most was the seriousness that they were treating everything. Like discussing strategy. In Rock, Paper, Scissors. What the hell kind of strategy can someone come up with in freaking Rock, Paper, Scissors? You pick one, and you hope that your opponent picks one that you beat, it's as simple as that. There's no freaking strategy with that! It was bad enough that we were watching the TELEVISED NATIONAL ROCK PAPER SCISSORS CHAMPIONSHIP, but the kicker was the fact that there was a $10,000 cash prize to the winner.

I swear to goodness, I almost dropkicked the TV at that point.

Thankfully in the past few weeks I've gotten most of the ranting out of my system, but holy crap, I just went off at that point, just wondering how in the hell anyone could offer a cash prize for freaking...

*deep breaths*

OK... I'm good...

Interesting Conversations: When I got home from work yesterday, I was enlightened as to a conversation that TC and Galen had earlier in the day, basically seeing which character from Clerks we most resembled, personality-wise. After a day of debate, apparently the two of them thought that I was Dante.

Mani: Now why do I have to be the whiny little bitch?

TC: Well, it seems like whenever I call you on a supposed off-day, you're at work.

Mani: . . .

Touché, TC. Touché.

Well, it could have been worse. At least I wasn't the old man that died on the can while reading porn. That dubious honor went to Caine. On the other hand, though, at least he got him some action even after going to the great beyond. So, a dead old pervert is, in essence, getting more action than me currently...

Son of a bitch.

But hey, there's still Dragon*Con! And, it looks like I'll be going on a cruise this January, so I remain optimistic!

Good Old Charlie Brown: I had these pointed out to me a while back, and I just had to share this. An artist by the alias of gNAW (AKA Ninja At Work) decided to give the old Peanuts crew an anime redesign, showing them several years down the line...

Dude. I straight up fell in love with these things.

Sure, some may cry out and call them bastardizations, but I think he did a very good job at interpreting some of America's most beloved comic characters. Do yourself a favor and just... just check them out!

[He's got another gallery set up here with a few more designs.]

As an artist, I have to respect someone that takes something so familiar, manages to put his own spin on it, yet keeping the original feel for them. That's no small feat, and I think gNAW here did a helluva good job. Good art inspires me, so I'm happy =)

Bacardi-and-Coke Progress Report: Feeling... good =) I'm blasting some drum-and-bass right now, and feel like I should be at a club dancing my happy little ass off and flirting shamelessly with a random young lady or eight. I think I'll chill a bit to keep my drunken, horny ramblings to a minimum. =)

Also, I notice that I do a lot of smileys when I'm inebriated, as well as curse a lot more. Duly noted.

And, Over in the Next Room... : ...Galen is messing around with the Taito gaming collection on the PS2, and is currently playing through The Ninja Kids. The two of us actually played through the whole thing some time ago, and man, that's just a weird-assed game. Sure, it's one of the granddaddies of our beloved side-scrolling-whip-ass-as-it-comes genre, but there's just some strangeness in there that you can't ignore. First off, the characters in there look like demented Muppets. Seriously, I half-expected Animal to be a midboss character in there. And second, it's so delightfully un-PC... you've got some rather stereotypical Middle-Eastern guys chucking, yup, explosives at you, as well as cultists that look like they just came back from a Klan-rally in the middle Frickin' Nowhere, Alabama. But the crown jewel of it all? Guess who's the final boss?

Beelzebub himself. That's right, you fight THE SATAN.

(Yes, THE Satan. Just in case you accidentally confused him with a cheap knock-off or something.)

Now I ask you, what other game has you going up against the Prince of Darkness himself? Oh sure, over the years gamers have gone toe-to-toe with some seriously evil mofos (Jaquio, Kefka, Dracula, Ares, er, Bowser...), but can any other game say that you fight a fallen angel sent to corrupt humanity as a whole as the final boss?

And no, Sephiroth doesn't count. He was a badass, true, but he was still a bit of a mamma's boy.

I found a link with a bit more information on the game here. Read on and be enlightened!

Sidenote: $10,000 for freaking Rock, Paper, Scissors?!! YOU PEOPLE ARE INSANE! WHO PAID FOR THIS CRAP, AND WHO'S ENCOURAGING IT?!! GAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!

Your Fortune: You will enjoy doing something different this coming weekend... in bed. Somebody get the rope.

Work(s) In Progress: Ah, it feels great to work on a personal project again!

I finally managed to get to a scanner last week, and have been spending the past few days experimenting and attempting to color a drawing that has been sitting in my sketchpad for a while now. This is is inspired by one of the locales in Glenshire Abbey, and has picked up the nickname of The Elven Rave around these parts.

I've only gotten around to laying out the base colors and am in the process of shading and rendering the background. Though I will say this- yes, that Gnome up front does have a pair of glowsticks =)

Though I was a little shocked when I was working on this a few days ago, and my computer (MY computer!) barked at me and told me that I was running out of hard drive space. Oh sure, I've got several gigs free on other drives, but my C: was sitting at just under a gig, which Black Exodus did not like. I think that I'll resize it and work on it on a smaller scale, seeing as the black and white jpeg version of the thing was just under a meg. Yeah, this sucker's massive. Hopefully I can finish it up without my hard drive exploding!

Pirate Chic? : At work yesterday, I saw something that I'm still having trouble comprehending. There was a young lady walking around with a friend of hers, the two of them quite diva'd out, looking ready to chew up any man that came by and spit them out. This wasn't all that odd, but there was a particular accessory that she was wearing that threw me for a loop. It seems that she, to complement her outfit, was wearing a pink rhinestone-studded...

...eye patch.

Dude, I wish I had a picture to prove it. I kid thee not.

Now, I'm not so calloused as to think that she might have actually... aw, who the hell am I kidding? Who in the hell walks around with a eye patch as a fashion accessory? I'd have been a bit more willing to accept it if the patch looked... well, normal... but the fact that the sucker was detailed in rhinestones is what sets me off. Now I know that Pirates of the Caribbean is still doing well in the box office, but has this started a fashion trend that I'm not aware of? This might not be a bad thing, mind you, as pirate wenches tend to wear some rather low-cut goodies...

The first time I see someone sporting a peg-leg, though, I swear to goodness I'm ninja-kicking them in the back of the head.

Dragon*Con - The Missions: With Dragon*Con coming up and all, I've been giving some serious thought as to what sort of random trouble I could get into. Well, not in the legal I-need-a-lawyer sense, but more along the lines of the sort of random crap I can find myself wandering into. Hence, I've compiled a list of stuff that I'm going to try and do at DC this year. And of course if anyone's got any suggestions, feel free to email me, and I'll see what I can do.

Random Quote: "Me no longer caveman, me evolved to Neanderthal... now me ask woman before me drag her by hair." -- Y' know, every once in a while Keith will pull out a quote that's just so out there, just SO DAMNED RANDOM that we all have to sit back and take notice. I don't remember the circumstances surrounding this particular one, but I do remember me and Snead just looking at each other and busting out laughing shortly thereafter. Who says Neanderthals only think with their clubs?

She beckons me, yet I am powerless to answer her call.

I am held hostage by my own peers. She sits there, upon my bed, waiting patiently for me. She acknowledges a simple truth- she knows what is in my heart, and that though I do everything in my power to resist her, it will only be a matter of time before I succumb to her temptations.

Translation: Manny snagged me a copy of Guild Wars: Factions as a graduation present, and it’s sitting on the bed. However, he, Galen, and Dave have all decreed that I must update the webpage before I install it. That’s fine. It’s the little boost I needed to go on ahead and get things going over here again. They doubt my self control, yes they do… but that’s fine. I’ve got no problems with denying myself in order to achieve a goal- I should be a freaking monk, I tell you. A monk, which also happens to be one of the classes in Guild Wars. I’ve been giving it some thought, and perhaps that’ll be my main class. I’m undecided on playing a male or female, but it really shouldn’t matter too…

Focus, Mani. Focus.

I can do this. There is a lot to talk about, and I’m still in the midst of plotting out a redesign for the site. However, I can still do this with the same vigor than if there wasn’t a highly acclaimed with super-pretty graphics sitting on my bed. I’m strong.

I can smell the newness of the instruction manual from here. It smells so… new…

Focus, Mani. You can do this.

Current Mood: No complaints from me, as things have been going quite well as of late. I am, dare I say it, Fantastically Well. Of course the big news is that as of last Saturday, I am officially a college graduate! Whooohaaaaaaaaa!

But other than that, these past weeks have been busy. Hella busy, even. Things have finally gotten back to a relatively normal clip, which means that I can sit back and breathe a bit, and knock out of few things that I've been neglecting, Club Ninja included. Mani still loves his fans, both of you!

As you can also see, we've done a little revamp of the place. I have to say that I'm digging the new look... it seems a lot cleaner than before. Yes, no, maybe so? What do you all think?

Personal Soundtrack: Umi Says by Mos Def, To Be Free from the Sol Bianca soundtrack, Fame by David Bowie, and Just Dance by Jamiroquai. There's a reason for a couple of these at least. I was visiting Sword Girl at work a few weeks ago, and she caught herself singing Umi Says, claiming that it had been stuck in her head for the past few days. Well thanks, Anu, because it's stuck in mine now! I had originally heard To Be Free during a promo for Sol Bianca, and had been looking for the song for some time now. As luck would have it, Snead had his computer over at the apartment and on our network a few weeks ago. I did some browsing of his music files, and lo and behold, he had the soundtrack! As for Fame and Just Dance, however, I've got no reason. They just kinda jumped in my head and have refused to leave as of yet.

Old Friends, New Connections: From the book of Truly Random Occurrences, I got a email several weeks ago from my friend Elanya, whom I haven't been in contact with since the days of the NuRPG! As it turns out, a bunch of my buddies from back in the day (including the Espercon crew) still hang out on IRC, and it felt great to be back in the midst of so many familiar friends. Granted my presence as of late's been sporadic to say the very least, but now that life is sane again, I should be around more. But then, there's Guild Wars...

It Calls Me Still... : I glance over to the side and catch sight of the visage of Eve, the Necromancer. Her eyes are cold, but strangely enticing. She's pretty, in that gothy-eat-your-soul sort of way. I'm but a step closer to the embrace of 'Guild Wars', and the varied denizens of the strange land...

FOCUS!!

What I Shall Miss: I’ve been giving this whole graduation thing some thought, and came to a realization. There are many things that I shall not miss about college (papers, tests, finals), but I’ve come to realize that there are a few odds and ends that I will. But what is is that I'll miss most of all?

Spring time.

Oh, springtime on a college campus is a beautiful thing, unless you go to an all-male school, of course. It seems that the moment the birds take to the trees and the flowers start blooming, clothes start coming off of the female population. It seems that everyone is bundled up one day, and the very next you are greeted with an explosion of skin. I, as a red-blooded hetero male, shall miss the legs, arms, toes, necks, navels, and backs belonging to my feminine compatriots.

[ Moment of Silence ]

Alright… I’m good…

Tuxedo Horrors: Another prom season, another batch of prom stories.

I did manage to avoid most of the crazy stuff, though I did get a parent or two that needed to be ninja-kicked in the back of the head. However, there were a couple of things that we saw that made me glad that I had my camera with me. Both of these are hygiene related, so if you're overly sensitive or have a weak stomach, damn, you're on the wrong site...

Story #1 involves a gentleman that we shall call the Ring Master. No, he didn't look like he belonged in the circus. But what else can I call a guy that does something like this to a tuxedo, a white one at that?

Ring-around-the-collar I can understand. Ring-around-the-jacket is just nasty. However, take a look at the bowtie in the lower right-hand corner...

Yes. This wretched creature left ring-around-the-bowtie. This officially makes you the nastiest creature to ever live. Hell, Pig-Pen looks at you and says "Damn... you's a nasty muthaf*cka, muthaf*cka."

Story #2 is from a guy hereby dubbed The Kool-Aid Man. I'd love to try and explain, but I think the picture should speak volumes...

How in the hell does one leave a reddish-pink ring around a collar? No, seriously, I want to know this. I've sat in bed and actually wondered how this is humanly possible. If you've got any theories, let me know.

Your Fortune: You are affectionate and loyal to those you love... in bed. Ladies, take note.

What I Learned in Spanish:

Prof. Jones: "Some things just don’t translate that well between languages. It’d be like trying to translate Ludacris into Spanish… how do you say ‘Let’s get krunk’ in Spanish?"

Amanda: "Yeah… ¿Que tú dice 'skeet'?"

-- I'll preface this by saying that I loved my Spanish II class, if nothing else for moments like this. It's rare that you get that great combination of students and a hilariously kick-ass teacher to boot. That being said, this was a convo between our professor and one of the young ladies in class after we had tried to translate the lyrics to 'Gasolina' a few days prior. Some slang and colloquialisms just don't translate, as they joked about here.

Random Quote: "If he got an erection, she'd be blind... either that, or cock-eyed..." -- I honestly don't recall if it was me or Keith that said this. Hell, we're both probably to blame in some capacity here =)

Darkest Night: I'm back to designing modules for Neverwinter Nights. Fear, mortals.

The best part about it is that I'm messing around more with the scripting, and it seems like those years of computer science are coming back to me. I knew that I got that degree for a reason. Anywho, I'm not trying anything too freakishly ambitious as of yet, mainly because I'm still getting the hang of all of this, and I don't want to be consumed by everything that I WANT to do. Nonetheless, I am putting together a nice little adventure that puts your hero on the trail of a murderous band of mercenaries, apparently holed up in the remains of a nearby fortress. The most unique thing about it, though, is that through answering a few questions beforehand, you can determine your connection with the head of The Red Hand, the merc band that you're hunting. You can either be relative, a former lover, or it could just be a job for the character. This will in turn affect what equipment you start off with, and also a few other miscellaneous reactions here and there. I'm keeping it relatively simple for now, if nothing else to figure out the system and learn to properly exploit it =)

And hey, who wants a promo shot? I didn't think so, but here's one anyway.

Random Quote: "Red hair... big titties... DAMANI!!" -- You date ONE redhead... a few weeks back, Snead was over at the apartment, and caught a glimpse of a rather attractive young lady walking through the parking lot. That was his assessment of the situation, and for some odd reason, thought that I should have been informed of it. Not that I'm complaining, mind you, but it seems like I'm going to be marked for life.

Wonderful Toys: Male or female, I’m naming my first child after Neil’s mom.

A few weeks back, the namesake of my future progeny ordered some graphic design software, which, as a free offer, came with a Graphire 3 stylus pad and wireless mouse. Now, being the graphics guru that she is, she already had one- however, I just happened to be over that day, and as a complete and utter coincidence, had been asking her about her recommendations on Stylus pads. She told me about her recent purchase, and asked me if I wanted the new one when it came in.

You truly have no idea how difficult it was for me to not scream out “Hell yeah, dude! WHOOOOO!”

Well, I got the Stylus a few days ago. And it changes EVERYTHING.

I… I never knew that drawing and coloring on a computer could be so precise, so… so natural. That sucker rocks harder than… well, everything.

I toyed around with it some, but I couldn’t find any sketches that I felt were trial-worthy. There’s some new stuff I’ve wanted to toss up here, but I’m currently scanner-less. Going through my archives, however, I found a sketch of a young lady I had dubbed Elizabeth …

Now in the past, coloring something like this would have taken the better part of forever. Without getting too technical, I would have had to break the sketch down into layers for each color section, which would have been hell due to the sketchiness of the lines. With the Stylus, I was able to do all of this without the layer breakdown process- sure, there are a few stray edges here and there, and I really want to redo the shadowing, but I was really amazed with the potential of what I could do with this thing. As a sidenote, the background is actually a shot of a tree in the garden at the Crown Plaza Ravinia, with a filter thrown on for good measure.

[ Future Son: “So dad, why IS my name Diane?”

Old Man Mani: “Well son, let me tell you about your Uncle Neil’s mother…” ]

This thing is… great!

Random Conversation:

Me: "Whoa, are you serious?"

BJ: "Yup. Soy raises estrogen levels. That's why most vegans you come across are, well... docile."

Antoinette (laughing): "That's a good word for it, docile."

Me: "Docile, eh? Well, I can't say that I've run into many angry vegans. Militant, sure, but not really all that angry."

BJ: "Militant vegans?"

Me: "Yeah, I wouldn't be too worried about getting into a fight with one, though. Just knock him down, stand over him and shout 'RED MEAT, BITCH!!'"

-- This one was from a few months back, as I was conversing with Antoinette and her brother BJ over his sister's habits of drinking soy milk. The joking came about from my admission of having a vegetarian dinner with Sword Girl the night prior, and having soy cheese on my vegi-burger. The conversation then turned to the effects of soy on estrogen levels, and well, it just degenerated from there. =)

Geekdom Revamped: It looks like I’ll finally be attending Dragon*Con.

And it’s about damn time, if you ask me. For years I’ve been saying “Maybe next year”, but I’ve finally gone and made the preps for D*C. This should promise to be a great time, if nothing else for costume watching, flirting shamelessly, and party-wandering in the evenings.

However- this MAY cut into me hanging out at AWA this year.

Now, before you all get your pitchforks, realize this- I still do plan on hitting both, but I may have to take things a bit easy financially for AWA, simply because it and D*C fall a few weeks apart. Getting both weekends off from work shouldn't be a problem, and I'm sure that I've got the vacation days to back it up, but I'm currently in Wait-And-See mode.

Besides, who's going to destroy a hotel wall at AWA without me being around? =)

Random Quote:

Snead: "Yeah, that's right, you dirty little peasant girl... no, keep the glasses on!"

Mani: "Talk with the accent! TALK WITH THE ACCENT!"

-- OK... there's quite a bit of back story on this one. A couple of days ago, Snead and I were discussing cute women with geekish tendencies. It eventually spilled over to talking about cute, geekish women into the whole Renaissance Festival thing. Needless to say, it degenerated, as to be expected, in a HURRY.

Now then, I do apologize for this update taking so long. There's been a lot going on around here as of late, so unfortunately Club Ninja fell by the wayside for a moment there. Well, no more! I'm back, beyatches!

My birthday was a nice affair over here, though as described to my friend Joan, "surprisingly sober". Hey, I don't have to be blind-stinkingly drunk to enjoy my birthday, you know!

Also, I didn't intend this, but I'm giving out a lot of advice on this ~~week's~~ update, and on relation stuff at that. Go figure.

Oh, and the sketch off to the left... basically, I had some free time on Valentine's Day, and was somewhat inspired to do a sketch of my favorite couple, Mani and Lily. Of course those of you that followed their tales (at least in NuRPG continuity) know that Lily died at the conclusion of Broken; I just thought that it'd be nice to show a moment like this down the line, showing that while she may be gone, Lily has not left his side.

Personal Soundtrack: Must Be Dreaming by Frou Frou, Passion by Utada Hikaru (Theme of Kingdom Hearts II), and The Dark Adonis (Midboss's Theme) from Disgaea. I also spent a lot of time listening to The Love Below by Outkast, especially around Valentine's Day. Seriously, that's a great CD to talk about the ups and downs of relationships in general. There's definitely a narrative in there.

Now, first off I'd like to state that I've got no problems with them. I tend to enjoy the hell out of myself at them, as there tend to be moments where you just have to sit back and laugh. For example, who would have expected that hearing Hey Ya! at Josh's would have caused Laura to drag both Neil AND me out to the dance floor? Anywho, I know that we joke about guys being hyper-competitive about certain things, and it's true. We're prone to comparing our proverbial wangs on any number of silly things- who's the better athlete, who's got the cutest girlfriend, who's computer's got the most RAM, etc. Now, working in the wedding industry has kind of given me a bit of insight into this, but I've recently rediscovered that nothing leads to women whipping out their own wangs (so to speak) than weddings.

Out of respect to my associates, I won't mention names, however I picked up on all kinds of behind-the-scenes cattiness that took place between two weddings that happened to fall on back to back weekends. Now, the respective grooms in this case were good friends, but there really wasn't any sort of competition between the two of them in this case. The brides, however, had apparently butted heads on several things, which led to unnecessary changes, a few thinly-veiled comparisons between the two weddings, and just general animosity all the way around. Really, who gives a crap if the grooms' cakes looked similar?

I dunno. Maybe it's because a lot of women have the exact layout of their weddings planned by the time they're 7, whereas the biggest problem guys face in planning is deciding who will be the best man. Nonetheless, I think people should just take a deep breath and get the wedding that they want, and not worry about what everyone else is doing. Rather than worry about making it unique, why not concentrate on making it special?

Remaining in the Past : Here's a free piece of advice to my beloved Club Ninja disciples. Now, I've never claimed to be a relationship guru of any sort, but I'm a pretty bright fellow, and I'd like to think that I have a bit more common sense than the average man. That being said, would you like to know an easy way to avoid a conflict with your significant other?

Stop comparing him/her to your ex. This goes double if your ex was a rat bastard/soulless skank that did you wrong.

It really is damaging to a relationship when you start comparing two different people like that, and dammit if it isn't the most annoying thing in the world when that ex was apparently the world's biggest asshole. Just because one person acted a certain way doesn't mean that the next person will. For all of our similarities, you really can't predict how someone will act, especially based off of some arbitrary factor like gender.

To that man that says all women are trifling skanks, grow the f*ck up. If there was any justice in the world, you would die celibate.

To that woman that says that all men are dogs, knock that chip off of your shoulder. If you stop being so hateful, you might just attract someone that's worth a damn.

Seriously though, do you have any idea what it's like to hear that you're being compared to someone from the past? Really people, think about that for a second. I don't care who you are, but hearing that automatically puts you on the offensive. You're not going to get much in the way of productive conversation after a revelation like that.

This rant was not about you, though I will be honest in stating that some of the points brought up in this past diatribe were influenced by circumstances surrounding our own breakup. Nonetheless, the vast majority of this came from other stimuli. Take care, and I hope that you are doing well.

Your Fortune: Happiness runs in a circular motion... in bed. I've... got nothing to add to this one.

Fun On XBox Live: Once again, Neil has solidified his reputation as Mr. Inappropriate.

For years now, if there was any of my friends that I could guarantee would say the wrong thing at the worst possible time, Neil would have that distinction, hands down. The streak continues.

Neil was one of the fortunate souls that got his hands on an Xbox 360 during the initial launch, and has been playing the ever-loving hell out of it since then. One of his favorite games is Call of Duty 2, and he's quite the badass at it. He's got Xbox Live as well, so he spends a lot of time smiting folks world-wide. A few weeks back he was having a hell of a game, and was screaming out all sorts of random comments at folks. Now the thing is, Neil tends to keep his mic on mute for this, as he tries not to be an asshole with his trash-talking. He typically does his taunting for the benefit of those that happen to be in the room at the time (in this case, Laura). So, he's continuing his murderous rampage, and starts calling his opponents something new.

If there was another distinction of Neil's, it would be his ability to come up with creative insults on the fly.

So he's ransacking people left and right, screaming out "cockbitch" at random moments, and just laughing like a hyena on speed. He sees one of his teammates get a really fantastic shot on an enemy, and goes to unmute his headset to congratulate him.

Unfortunately I wasn't there to witness this, but apparently Neil got that look of sheer I-Just-Made-an-Ass-of-Myself terror that I've seen many times in the past, as Laura proceeds to crack the hell up over her husband's less-than-stellar moment. At that point, Neil mutes the mic and apparently said NOTHING for the rest of the game.

Your mission, my Club Ninja disciples, is to make sure that you greet Neil as "cockbitch" the next time you see him =)

Disgaea - A Random Observation: I've been listening to the soundtrack to Disgaea as of late, and I've come to a realization. If Tim Burton were to ever do the score to a videogame, this is probably what it would sound like. I definitely need to get back to playing that game, as I quite love the rag-tag bunch of antisocial bastards that I refer to as my army. Also, I hear that Disgaea II will be coming out sometime this year as well- I'll definitely be picking that one up.

And Just For the Hell of It... : Galen showed this to me a while ago, and it's been hell and a half trying to get that song out of my head. Even if you've never played World of Warcraft, you're bound to still get a kick out of this. This little video probably sold me on the game better than any amount of promotional materials ever could. Warning- do not click if you are offended by singing Orcs or naked, dancing female elves... but chances are you aren't, especially if you're on this site. Enjoy!

Random Quote: "I'm gonna have your kids, just so I can BEAT them!" -- This one came from Snead during one of our gaming sessions a few weeks back, describing what a female assassin the party crossed paths with was probably screaming at the group after they gave her a very stern trouncing. Hey, you don't kidnap the party's healer and not expect repercussions!

Current Mood: I feel great. I survived New Year's, I've begun my FINAL semester of college, and most important for this update, I've been hearing all kinds of crazy crap as of late that I just have to comment on. I was originally planning on this being a much larger update, but I ended up getting caught up in a couple of rants. I promise that the next update will have more substance, but there were a few things that I needed to get off of my chest.

I've noticed something interesting lately, though. While I've remained relatively calm over the years, I've been a bit more short-tempered and smart-assed as of late. Not to the point where I just bite people's heads off and act like a total asshole, but it doesn't take much to get me ranting nowadays. Don't get me wrong... I'm still the guy that you all know and love, but I've just been a bit more vocal than normal. Be warned.

And as a heads-up, I'm probably going to piss some people off this week. To which I say, don't be such a Nyaan-Nyaan.

From the Book Of 'Are You Sh*tting Me?' : Here's a quick one that I picked up from Neil a few days ago.

I did a bit of research, and I was kinda shocked to discover that there actually is a debate over this. Now, I can understand good and healthy debate over some things within the story, but at times it just got silly. The argument that kills me the most, though, is the parallel that some people are drawing between the relationship between Kong (who, as a 'great black beast', some say represents the African-American male) and his lust in regards to the blonde-haired white woman.

The black male/white female dynamic in our society has always intrigued me, because it seems that everyone makes it out to be some horrible atrocity that is destroying their respective communities. Some have gotten angry at the white woman for 'stealing away' one of their own. Others have gotten angry at the man for the apparent transgression, for he must feel that a black woman just isn't good enough for him. Some assume that the woman must be rich, and the guy must see a future payday. Others assume that the young lady is consumed with 'white liberal guilt' to the point where she can't bring herself to date someone of her own race. And still others look on and assume that it must be purely sexual, as who hasn't heard the rumors of the black wang in our society? Nonetheless, it's a little upsetting seeing people drawing those parallels with King Kong, if nothing else for the fact that in order for these arguments to have validity, I first have to see myself as a giant ape. And, half-black or not, I'm not buying into that. Sometimes a gigantic ape is just a gigantic ape.

Why does that particular interracial dynamic bother people so much? Out of all of the multicultural couplings I've seen, the black male/white female has got to be the biggest hot-button topic. I'm also trying to figure out the point that blondes became the stereotypical White Female Devil (TM) in our society, but that's an argument for another day. Seriously, what's wrong with the brunettes and redheads?

If anything, I see the story of King Kong as exploring that dynamic between man and nature, and how our arrogance can bite us in the ass. But on a more basic and primal level, I see it as a chance to witness a gigantic gorilla kicking the mother-loving crap out of some dinosaurs and uppity humans. If you look at anything with the purpose of finding fodder to further your own arguments and agendas, chances are that your mind will formulate some sort of rationale, and you will indeed find what you were looking for. But there is such a thing as reading too much into a situation.

Random Quote: "Man, education ain't like it used to be. Back in the day, you'd find somebody like Aristotle, and just follow that n*gga around." -- Wisdom from Omari, a friend of mine from my Spanish class, lamenting our current system of education. Contemplate this upon the Tree of Woe (TM).

In case anyone missed it, during the MLK celebration last week, the mayor of New Orleans made some pretty bold and confrontational statements. Aside from claiming that God was angry at New Orleans (as was evidenced by Katrina, apparently), he also made the declaration that the almighty apparently wants New Orleans to be, and I quote, a 'Chocolate City'. That's a ballsy statement in and of itself, but what kills me the most was his half-assed and somewhat angry retraction once his brain had caught up to his mouth. I can't find the actual transcript of the conversation, but I did hear it played on the radio- in a nutshell...

Reporter: "In regards to your recent comments, don't you feel that they were somewhat divisive, especially during the celebration of Martin Luther King?"

RN: "Well, if you knew anything about chocolate, you'd know that when you mix it... you take the brown chocolate, and mix it with the white milk... and you get a delicious drink. That's the type of chocolate that I'm talking about."

Thank the good Lord that I was the only one in the store at the time, because when I heard that half-assed explanation, I pointed at the radio, laughed disdainfully, and shouted "BULLSHIT!!" I'm sorry, but to be blunt, that explanation sucked a rabid llama's ass and was about as convincing someone saying that they saw Tupac and Biggie at a Klan rally. If he had just came out with an apology, sure, I'd probably still be talking about him, but not nearly as badly.

Mani [In Semi-Preacher Voice]: "What you have done here today, Brother Snead, is a good thing! For through you, this woman has turned away from her lesbian lifestyle!"

-- I think that every man claims to be capable of it, but Snead apparently pulled it off. It seems that the young lady he's been spending 'quality time' with as of late was, until very recently, a dedicated lesbian. I think that gives him bragging rights for life. We did, of course, have to harass him a bit. After all, that's what friends are for. Also, this is a nice segue way into my next topic.

A friend of mine at work recently had to go back home for a few days to attend a funeral. He comes from a large, religious family, and was spending some time with his aunts. And, as per custom, he informed me, they decided that they wanted to play matchmaker and try and set him up with someone. Now, my friend's about 31 and still single, which apparently has caused his aunts some concern. Well, when he was home, they let my friend know that they had a young lady that they wanted him to meet. From my understanding, this is sort of how the conversation went-

Aunts: "She's wonderful! She's a virgin, she's 21... we've prayed about it, and we've gotten confirmation from God... we really think she's the one for you!"

My friend is very much gay. As I'm sure you've gathered, he's not exactly out to his family.

Now, even if he were straight, I'd still be talking about this. The fact that he's gay however, makes this freaking hilarious.

I'm not going to get into the whole homosexual heaven/hell debate here, but this touches on three separate nerves with me. First, it really kills me when dealing with someone that thinks that they know what's best for you, especially with something as personal as relationships. I trust the judgment of my family and most of my friends on a lot of things, but I personally would be good and damned if I'm going to actually let them set me up with somebody with the intent to marry. That's something I'd prefer to handle myself, for more than obvious reasons. Second, is it really such a crime to be single? I swear that people start to get antsy and assume that you're some miserable wretch if you're not married and spitting out kids when they think you should be. And third, it really bothered me how they were using religion ("Confirmation from God") in order to justify what was, in essence, a very selfish action. I'm sure that their hearts were in the right place, I don't deny that- but too often people rely on the name of God to justify their own agendas, using His name to lend a bit more credibility to their actions, or in some cases, to inspire that extra bit of fear.

But on a much lighter note, this conversation led to one of the funniest rants I've heard in quite some time.

Random Quote: "I've got, like, 16 uncles back home. And every time I go back, it's the same thing. 'Hey, how's it going? YOU MARRIED YET?!' 'Hey, long time no see! YOU MARRIED YET?!' 'Good to see you! YA MARRIED YET?!' F*CK YOU!!!! NO, I'm not married! I'm gay! GAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!" -- Good heavens, I almost spit out a lung during this rant. My friend was in rare form for this one, and for very good reason. Let people live their own lives... really, no one likes being compared to everyone else around them.